We all have iss-shoes...

I've always had a theory that most fashion designers are escaped mental patients - living amongst regular people under the guise of 'arteest'.

So in the spirit of accepting that fashion is ruled by a bunch of clinical psychopaths, I have decided to embrace my inner mad-hatter with some of this season's zaniest footwear.

If you can't beat em, join em, right?


Jeffrey Campbell
























Perfect with a pencil skirt!


*ba da ba chh*

Charlotte Olympia Pumps

Rachel Zoe thought these were, like, totally bananas. If you won't eat it, wear it- right?

Marc by Marc Jacobs Mouse Flats

These are very sexy shoes- the kind you play tootsie with on a hot date (bonus points for mouse-like sound effects!!*)

*Disclaimer: I haven’t had a second date since 2008

Dolce & Gabbana Profile Wedges

They’ll stick by you in the thick and thin, the rough and the sticky, rain, hail and shine. *Sigh* They’re more than just shoes- they’re friends. BEST friends!

Marc Jacob Disco Flatforms

Stolen from Barbie’s own little plastic foot (how barbaric!), these glitter covered sponge planks are perfect for any occasion (in the mental institution that is)

Peter Som and Charlotte Olympia

Much like the shoes my year 7 art teacher wore the day she was arrested for taking her clothes off and rolling in paint.

The rise of the casaNEVER

Top knots, leather bloomers and pleated grandma skirts aside; we’re not the only ones offending the opposite sex with our Man Repelling sartorial choices. The fashion industry is backing another repelling uprising- the new age man of style (otherwise known as the surgency of pussy deflectors)

Staring in the face of virginity- Peter Pan and a very Lost Boy come bearing the style from Nevereverland	Hair, styled by a particularly inept fax machine

It appears as if a band of hobbits from the depths of Middle Earth have hijacked the mens fashion industry and created the new age man of style as resembling the hypothetical love child of Bilbo Baggins and Quasimodo.
Burberry is a never-ending faucet of 'WTF do you call THAT?'

Ronald McDonald du Jour

Although these vulva thwarting looks may score major thumbs up from the listhping fashion queens of Paree...

... As a female I find it hard to whip up an interest in men who look more like they're going to steal my purse and sodomise my cat, than take me on a hot date.

So the moral of the story to fashionistos is ::: if pussy propellin’ is the name of your game, CLOSE your Feb edition of VogueHomme now and walk quickly past Burberry- to salvage your fast depleting muffin magic …

There goes my lady boner ….